


free

by plunket



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bullying, Coming Out, Drug Use, Homophobia, It's almost 2 in the morning, Other, Trauma, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Vulnerability, i need more chloe content, no romance but a little gay, wlw here's ur messiness for the night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:20:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29530461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plunket/pseuds/plunket
Summary: Chloe Bourgeois knew that she wasn’t a perfect person, but she wanted so desperately to be.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	free

**Author's Note:**

> Classes got cancelled for me tomorrow so I finished writing this. I hope you guys like it!!

Chloe Bourgeois knew that she wasn’t a perfect person, but she wanted so desperately to be. She wanted to be a perfect person for her.

As she sat in the back of the limo, on her way to school, she couldn’t help but reflect—on everything that she had done. She knew that she was the cause of almost all the akumatizations in Paris. It pained her heart to know that Ladybug loathed her because of this. As she got older, she had gotten better, but it’s hard for the rest of the general population to see the change within you.

Nothing was worse to Chloe than seeing the disappointed look on the hero’s face. Not to mention her being passive-aggressive to the blonde, or just generally rude. Maybe LB just thought that Chloe wouldn’t notice, but she did, and God it ached.

The ding from the notification she received pulled her from her thoughts. Sabrina texted her good morning, and Chloe texted the same back to her. Sometimes, she felt bad for being mean to Sabrina. It was pure jealously, she knew, but it wasn’t a valid excuse. Sabrina was free to be whoever she wanted to be; to become whatever she wanted. The fact that she stayed with Chloe despite her coarseness could make her cry. She doesn’t deserve her friendship.

The morning light blinded her eyes as she stepped out from the limo. The sunglasses her brought down to the front of her face by her hands, and she groaned. She drank too much last night. It’s your father’s fault for letting a sixteen-year-old have alcohol. Chloe cleared her throat and stood up straight: the façade is on.  
“Hi, Chloe! You didn’t text me at all last night. Are you doing okay?” Sabrina was too loud for Chloe this morning. She waved her off and replied, “I’m fine. Just tired. You’re being too loud.” A small “sorry” could be heard behind her as she continued to make her way inside the building. She turned to the redhead, “You can go ahead to first period. I’ll be there in a sec. Just need to use the bathroom.” “Okay, Chloe! See you there.”

Chloe stalked to the women’s room, the click of her flats making her presence known. She walks in and sees Juleka and Rose talking and giggling amongst themselves. “Get out, you fucking dorks.” The two turned to the blonde and stiffened. Juleka moved towards Chloe and crosses her arms. “We don’t have to listen to you, Chloe.” Rose poked her head out from behind the taller girl and said “Oh, Chloe. Are you okay? You look… sick.”

Chloe’s eye twitched, and she snarled, “Get the fuck out!” It didn’t take long for them to scurry out after that. Chloe went through all the stalls, shoving the doors open, like a wolf searching for its prey. When all was clear, she went to the bathroom door and locked it. She turned back and headed towards the mirror, taking off her sunglasses. Her fingers grazed the dark circles under her eyes and her pale lips. 'God, I do look sick.'

Her hands went to her purse, as she fished out for her makeup bag. She set the small bag on the sink, pulling out the concealer and beauty blender. The magic of makeup was something she would never underestimate. Chloe had started wearing makeup in middle school. It started with just lip gloss and mascara, but then it quickly shifted to a full-beat face. It helped to hide the obvious melancholy-ness of her features. She was never really good at hiding her emotions on her face but makeup does it for her.

The light pink lip gloss swept across her lips, the glitter in it shimmering in the fluorescent lights of the restroom. She looked at herself again. Perfect. She took out a pill bottle from her purse and placed the makeup bag back in. She untwisted it, took out two of the blue tablets, and dry swallowed it down. Her little “pick me ups” started around 9th grade. She had been at a dinner party, hosted by a friend of her father’s, and some older rich kids had offered some painkillers to her. It’s gotten to the point where she couldn’t function without them. Luckily, her father had connections and was able to get them to her.

She left the bathroom, slipping the sunglasses on again. Painkillers can’t make a hangover go away, unfortunately. She walked into the classroom, everyone already settling for today. “Hey, Chloe.” She stopped in her tracks and looked to Adrien, who gave a small wave to her. “Hi, Adrie-kins!” She leaned against his desk hands resting on her jaw. “I hope you’re having a good morning, Pookie!” Adrien chuckled, “Pookie? That’s a new one. Where did you get that from?” Chloe smirked, leaning in closer to him, “Tiktok. It’s an American thing. And you say I’m not cultured.” Lowering her sunglasses, she gave a wink to the blonde boy and turned to go to her desk.

Adrien was perfect, she concluded. It was so easy to make others think she was actually into him because she knew he would never reciprocate those feelings back. It was so comforting. It was so stable.

She sat next to Sabrina, setting her phone on top of the desk. “Feeling better, Chloe?” She turned to her friend and smirked. “Can’t be feeling bad when I look this good, Seebs.” The two giggled, slowly silence themselves as the teacher came in.

“Good morning, class. I hope you’re all ready for your lab today.” 'Shit.'

Chloe bounced her leg nervously. She forgot to wear proper shoes for the lab today. Last thing she needed was for her grade to go down in biology; it didn’t help that she was already struggling in class.

“Um, Ms. Mendeleiev?” The older woman walked over to Chloe, passing by the students who got up to go grab goggles and aprons. “Yes, Miss Bourgeois?” Chloe took a deep breath through her nose, “I didn’t bring any shoes for today. Guess I forgot! It’s not a super big deal, though. Not like I’m going to purposefully be spilling frog guts on my feet.” Ms. Mendeleiev rubbed her temples and made a loud sigh, “Miss Bourgeois, closed-toed shoes are required for lab. I’m not letting you work on this assignment. You’ll just have to get a zero.”

The blonde felt her blood boil. It wasn’t a big deal—why didn’t this old bitch just let it slide? “Fine! Didn’t want to do this disgusting project anyway. The fact that we have to cut any kind of animal open for a grade is inhumane. Have fun with those diseased toads!” The science teacher cleared her throat, “We’re not dissecting toads today, Miss Bourgeois, we’re dissecting pig fetuses.” Sabrina stopped in her tracks, already geared up with the gloves, goggles, and apron. “Pigs? I can’t do this project…” Ms. Mendeleiev turns to the redhead, “What do you mean you can’t do this project?” Sabrina’s face goes red, “I’m Jewish. I can’t do stuff with pigs. It’s on my file. It should have been notified to you at the beginning of the semester!” “And you just thought to tell me this now?” “I had gotten the idea that we were going to do frogs.”

Ms. Mendeleiev puts her hands on her hips and lets out another sigh, “Okay then. I can’t legally lower your grade because of religion. Go and sit in the guidance counselor’s office for the rest of class.” Sabrina turns to Chloe and smiles. “Here, Chloe, you can wear my shoes so you don’t have to fail!” The blonde watches as Sabrina unlaces her tennis shoes, slipping them off her feet gently. Chloe slips off her flats and scoots them over to her, trading shoes with her friend. “Here, take my goggles and apron. Good luck!” Chloe puts on a smirk and looks over to Ms. Mendeleiev, “So, where do I start?”

“You can head over to work with Miss Dupain-Cheng. She doesn’t have a partner for today.” Chloe wanted to blow her brains out. In her book, nothing was worse than working or even associating with Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Miss-Goodie-Two-Shoes. She figures that playing in traffic would be more fun and interesting than being around her for more than fifteen seconds.

She turns to the teacher, getting ready to complain when she says, “No buts, Chloe. I know you two don’t get along but that’s not my issue. If you don’t work with her you’ll be getting a zero.” “Ugh. Fine”

Chloe stalks to the back of the room to the desk that Marinette is sitting at. “Oh. Hi, Chloe.” The blonde snorts and sits down, “Don’t try to make small talk with me, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I would rather hear nails on a chalkboard than to listen to you speak. I’m only here because I have to be. Let’s just get this stupid project over with.” The girl opposite her huffs, “Agreed.”

The progression of the dissection goes fairly well. Chloe shrieks at some moments, causing Marinette to drop the scalpel on multiple occasions. The blonde is on the verge of gagging the entire time, the smell of formaldehyde filling her nose. Marinette doesn’t seem too bothered by it, which irritates Chloe. 'What a fucking pick-me. She just wants to show everyone just how not bothered she is by this dead pig.'

They get to a point where they have to stop, and Chloe immediately goes to wash her hands. The bell rings and Chloe books it toward the guidance counselor’s office. Once there, she is greeted by Sabrina. “Here, take your shoes back, Sabrina. They smell like corn chips.”

The two walk down the hall to their next class. Chloe and Sabrina always have classes together—this isn’t a coincidence either. They quite literally make sure they have the exact same classes. “How was lab?” Chloe makes a noise of disgust and adjusts the thin straps of her backpack, “It was so gross, Seebs. What’s even worse is that I had to work with goddamn Marinette while pulling out pig guts.” Sabrina shakes her head, “Oh yikes. I am so sorry for that, Chloe.” “Yeah, whatever. I just wanna get it done. Ugh, so sick of that class.”

The rest of the day goes by smoothly, but to Chloe, it might as well be a blur. Reality doesn’t seem real to Chloe at times; she figures it’s because of the painkillers, but she doesn’t care. When it’s lunchtime, she immediately tries to do down to the eating area. “Hey, Seebs, can you find a table for us. I’ll be down there in a moment. Gotta sneak out and smoke a fag. Take my backpack, too.” Sabrina beams, as usual, “Sure thing!”

Chloe makes her way through the halls and goes out a back door. She pulls the pack of cigarettes and a pink, bejeweled lighter from her purse. The stick is pressed between her lips as she lights it up, the menthol consuming her being instantly. “Fuck, I needed that.” “Needed what?”

Chloe jumps as she looks over to Kagami, who is walking from the direction of the field. “What the fuck! You scared the piss out of me!” The smaller girl walks up to Chloe and promptly looks down at the cigarette between her fingers. “I didn’t know you smoked. You know that’s not good for you.” Chloe takes a puff, “I don’t remember asking for your opinion.” She takes another swig and blows the smoke onto Kagami’s face, causing her to cough. “What the hell did you do that for?” Chloe rolls her eyes and smirks, “Oops. Sorry. Guess I wasn’t looking.”

Kagami sits down at the foot of the wall beside Chloe, leaning her head back against the cool brick.  
“Don’t you have lunch?”  
“That’s the reason I’m taking a smoke break, idiot.”  
“God, I wish I had first lunch. Gym class is the worst.”

Chloe snorts, taking another hit of the cigarette. “I’m so glad I don’t have to do it anymore. My last time was last semester. Sucks to suck, I guess.” Chloe turns her head to look at her. You can still see the slight blue tone in her hair in the shade. Her normally pale skin is blotched red, most likely from exhaustion, and her chest is rising and falling faster than normal. “Aren’t you worried that the gym teacher might notice you’re miss, or whatever?”  
Kagami looks up to Chloe and grins, “There are too many people in this school, especially my class. I hardly doubt she’ll even notice. But you’re right. I should probably head back.” She gets up from her spot on the ground and wobbles a bit. “See you around, Chloe.”

Chloe takes one last swig from the cigarette and throws it into the ground, stomping on the butt with her flats, “Whatever you say, homeschool freak.” Chloe turns to head inside the building but stops to watch Kagami head back toward the soccer field. God, she’s such a fucking weirdo.

Chloe sighs as she looks out upon the cityscape. The roof of her father’s hotel is her favorite place to be. It allows her to truly feel like she’s by herself. The honking of the horns and the squabble of people is oddly soothing to her. The night breeze blows against her skin. At this moment, she feels that she could fly. She takes a sip from the bottle of peach schnapps in her hand. Getting drunk two nights in a row? This is a new record for you.

Her phone is open on Spotify, playing some random Mitski playlist. She barely hears the footsteps that come towards her. “Chloe?” She lets out a small shriek as she turns to look at the person speaking. Ladybug is standing there, hands on her hips, observing Chloe’s little setup. “Are you… Drinking?” Chloe half-ass-edly smiles, holding up the bottle towards the red hero, “It’s schnapps. Want a sip, bug?”

Ladybug walks closer and makes a face. “You smell like cigarettes and booze. Like—Like,” “Like a prostitute? Ha! At least that’s what my dad says.” The girl sits down beside the blonde, a look of concern on her face. “Are you… Are you doing okay? I saw you from a couple of rooftops down and you look so… sad. Not like your usual self.  
Chloe takes a sip from the bottle, “My usual self. That’s so funny. I don’t even know my ‘usual’ self anymore. I don’t think I ever knew it in the first place.” Ladybug sits crisscross and turns to Chloe and sighs, “Talk to me about it, I guess.” Chloe looks back at her, and it’s as if a wrecking ball smashed into glass, sending shards flying everywhere.

“My dad hit me last night.” She takes another sip as she hears Ladybug gasp lightly, “He read my diary. He found out about me. About how…” Chloe looks in the opposite direction, “How I like girls.” Ladybug is speechless, her mouth hanging slightly ajar. “Oh, wow. I—” “It’s not a big deal.”

The hero furrows her brows, “Of course it’s a big deal. Coming out is a huge thing for literally anyone to do.” Chloe sighs and looks back at Ladybug, “Yeah, I guess.” She stares at her for a moment, taking in all of the hero’s features. “When he slapped me in the face, all I could think about was how I completely deserved it.

“All I do is be mean to people all the time. Shit, I’m so mean to these fucking people that they get akumatized. Fucking akumatized! They don’t deserve it, but they don’t deserve to be happy when I’m not.” Ladybug frowns at the blonde’s confession but doesn’t even get a chance to speak up when she interrupted by her. “I get so mad when I see people genuinely enjoying their lives. People loving them, them loving people. It’s fucking bullshit that I can’t have that.”

Chloe takes several gulps of the schnapps, popping her lips from the nozzle. “Everyone else in my fucking school is normal. And then there’s me. Daughter of the fucking mayor of Paris, pill popper and local bitch.” She looks back out onto the cityscape, “I want to blame someone for all of my problems—for every reason for why I’m so fucked up—but I’m running out of bodies.”

Her eyes drop to the ground below her, and she stares, emotionless, “Maybe I should start fucking random people. That’s what everyone in my family thinks I’m doing now, anyway. My dad thinks that’s why I’m a lesbian.”

The two sit in silence for a few moments, then Ladybug says, “It’s okay to be sad sometimes, Chloe. You don’t have to hide everything. It will break you.” Chloe turns to Ladybug and then chuckles. “Why do you even care anyway? You hate me.” “I-I don’t hate you, Chloe.”

Chloe’s grip on the bottle grows tighter. “Yes, you do! Of course, you do! I’m the cause of the akumas in the city. The looks on your face whenever I try to talk to you give it away! Do you think I just don’t notice your goddamn looks of disgust whenever I hug you? Fuck you for lying to me.” Ladybugs face glows almost as red as her suit, and she looks down to her lap. “I’m sorry for acting like that towards you. It was inappropriate and rude. I completely take the blame for that.” 

Chloe looks towards the hero, tears in her eyes, threatening to spill. “Is there something wrong with me? Why did I have to turn out to be so fucked up?” Ladybug sighs and rubs her hand in circles on the blonde’s back. “Not everyone is as perfect as you seem to think they are; everyone has their own struggles.

“Also, God doesn’t have this personal vendetta against you. You’re a good person at heart, Chloe. And with everything going on in your life, I would be angry too. I feel like that maybe you’ll just have to find peace with yourself.” Chloe stares into Ladybug’s ocean blues, “I-I don’t know if I can. It’s so hard.” The hero stares back into her eyes, watching the gears in the azure pools spin, “It’s always going to be hard, but once you realize that these things can’t have real control on your life, a weight will be lifted off of your shoulders—I promise.”

They sit like that for what seems like hours, Looking into each other’s eyes, reading their minds and souls. “What am I going to do? As long as I’m still here, it still has control over me.” “You have two more years. After that, you’re free.”

'I’m free.'

“I... Thank you, Ladybug.” Chloe sniffs and rubs away her tears with the back of her hands. “It’s no problem. Here, have this.” Ladybug gives her a small button. “Is this one of those rape alarms?” Ladybug laughs, “No, it’s not. It’s a device that allows you to signal me whenever you need it. Whether it be because a villain has whisked you away or if you just need a friend. I’ll always answer.” Chloe takes it and examines the small device, “Thank you. Really, thank you.”

Ladybug leans in and plants a kiss on Chloe’s cheek, the blonde going stiff. “Have a goodnight, Chloe.” “You too, Ladybug.”

She watches the masked hero swing off into the distance; as if she were never there in the first place. The breeze of Paris suddenly feels warmer.

**Author's Note:**

> letting my Favorite Lesbian(TM) have sadness and depth for once


End file.
